My beliefs and Ideas, why and where do they come from? Part 1

   As an Occultist, "Wizard", Magus, or whatever I understand that my ideas are either scary or delusional to you. That's fair enough given the impact of scary movies, church, empirical science what have you. The truth is if you tried to set up a ritual and spout off a few incantations it wouldn't work. It takes a little bit more than a casual interest to reap the benefits this kind of stuff has to offer, but ill discuss that another time.

  It all started after I kicked a pretty nasty meth addiction. I felt life had something more to it than what I was giving it credit for. I had talked to my sister and she had invited me to a Bible study. Raised as a Mormon (LDS) I figured Jesus deserved another chance. So I started going to this Bible study.

  After Awhile I decided I really wasn't feeling the whole thing, I just didn't believe in it. One night the pastor dude started mouthing off about other religions. Quoting scripture from Revelations with a self righteous fire and brimstone voice. I had been glancing over some of these religions on the side looking for something that actually sat well with me. So I opened my fat mouth and asked him "How can you judge that which you know nothing about?". This caused a bit of debate about rather Jesus was relevant to any sort of salvation which pretty much let everybody know I wasn't coming back. 

  Afterwards A girl with sort of a Gothic flare about herself approached me. She explained that she was herself having trouble deciding rather Christianity or her Neo-Pagan Wicca thing was the spiritual path right for her. She expressed that what I had said pretty much set it straight for her. Paganism in any form was something I overlooked, So I asked her about it.

  She took me over by her car to show me pictures where she and her friends had visited graveyards. I was somewhat unimpressed with them at first. Then she showed me this one of a gate taken from her car. It had this orange glare on it which appeared to be shining from the gate. I told her "that's obviously the flash reflecting off of your sideview mirrior. "no," she said  "LOOK INTO the center of the light". In the light was a pair of these gargoyle like eyes with no pupils, it looked sort of like stone however it was within the light all disembodied. I said "you gotta take me to one of these things".

  I told my sister I was taking another ride home. We both still lived with our mother. Then my new friend and I took off to look for a suitable graveyard. In the car she told me a few things, first she said "You gotta find a good graveyard, you don't want anything new or well maintained, you want something thats... you know, forgotten." another thing she told me was "Paganism in general is pretty broad. theres alot of differnt beliefs and subject matter involved. this graveyard stuff is just kinda what I'm into but there's plenty of us who aren't even interested or believe in this stuff." At the time I thought that was kind of odd however it would be something I valued about the belief system down latter on.

  We finally found a place she found suitable. getting out of the car I felt a certain vibe Iv'e not experianced before or since in any grave yard though ive been in a few. I attribute this to her putting out Necromantic vibes. (dealing with the dead, or spirits of the decaesed.) She was equipped with a sparkling purple cloak and an Athame (ritual dagger). I was in a trance like state wondering around the graveyard when a certain gravestone caught my eye.

  This grave was surrounded with a brick border and was covered with gravel. I sat down and felt an urge to pick up one of the pebbles. She put her hand on my shoulder "Don't do that or it will escape and possibly haunt a person or resdiance. we should leave." We got up and walked a few paces when I felt two hands push at my back, but there was nothing there. This gave us the creeps and we walk a bit more quickly to her car. She drove me home and gave me her number but said "I'm moving out of town this weekend, so if you call me im not sure we'll be able to hang out." I never ended up calling her, nor did I see her ever again.

   I started my own research though I didn't end up getting into the graveyard paranormal thing. I quickly found out that like she said there was alot of stuff to get into, as well as alot of crap to dig through in order to find anything worth while. The word Occult means 'hidden' and it is indeed very well hidden even on the internet where your able to access anything. It takes knowing the right terms to search for. Eventually I did find my own nitch and quite the nitch it is. 

  I would like to conclude with a word for the Atheist. Some people are fine with an Atheist view point however I wasn't. I don't think theirs anything wrong with a Secularist mind set. Some people just aren't meant to have these sorts of distractions just like not everybody needs to be able to speak English, It just depends on where you are. Dont judge my way of life just because you don't value what I value. I don't mock you for your Pokemon collection do I?